welcome to motherhood

I have moved

2011-04-25T20:18:00.000-05:00

Please follow me to my new home!

http://jumpingdaisy.com/

2011-04-12T21:26:00.001-05:00

Mommy Day

2011-04-12T21:19:00.003-05:00

The other day I stopped in at the Coralville library over my lunch break to pick up an item I had on hold. As I walked up to the door to one of mine and the girls' favorite mommy day hangouts I felt a sudden pang of sadness. Maybe it is just because spring is here and there is so much more to do when the weather is nice. Maybe it's because I am finding myself sucked into work issues that I would rather not carry around, but I am mourning the loss of my carefree mommy days lately. The site of several young moms accompanied by little cuties did not help me.

Realizations

2011-03-31T19:41:00.002-05:00

1. Tonight Thea seemed to work herself into quite a dilemma trying to decide if, after announcing that she had to poop and being offered candy to deposit said poop in the potty chair, it was worth it to go with the unfamiliar, or to cry for a diaper and miss out on a chance at candy. I realized that even though she ultimately went with the diaper and no candy, potty training and life without diapers isn't all that far in our future.

2. This one is a bit of a twofer. The girls and I went to the library this evening. I wanted to check out photography and weight loss books, and the kids love the library. My first realization is that if I don't know exactly what I am looking for, going to the library with my kids is going to be a frustrating waste of time. I came home with two books that I am 90% sure I won't end up reading. Secondly, the Coralville Library has a display of new books right in the main entrance. I tend to scan the new books, grab what looks interesting and carry it off to the kids area so I can decided if I want to take it home or not while the girls are playing. Today I picked up a book that was some kind of comedy infused memoir about motherhood. I flipped into the center, read a few lines and promptly set it aside. It occurred to me that I am so over reading mommy confessions of guilt. Ugh, so over done. Of course it is, because ALL MOM's struggle with these things. So yes, blah blah you don't always make your kids wash their hands, me either.
As a side-note, I realize that if everyone felt that way, my readership would be down to zero. And I do enjoy a good "Mom blog" mostly because I know and love the mom who writes it. And also, I will admit it is a bit of sour grapes. I want a damn book too.

3. It isn't just my body that is fat. I have the mind of a fat person, and I don't know how to change that. I have been working out at least 3 times a week for 4 months now and I haven't lost a pound. Why is that? Because as dedicated as I can be to working out, I have no control over my eating. I can't not let myself feel that comforting and familiar sensation of fullness. And not veggie fullness. Carb fullness. Cheese. Bread. Chocolate. When I think of how far I could have been on the journey to not fat if I had just stopped feeding my face like each meal was my last back in November when I joined a gym, my frustration bubbles over. I don't understand how people manage to eat healthy amounts of healthy food. My fat girl mind can't fathom it and even trying makes me tired. And hungry.

Building forts

2011-03-17T20:13:00.003-05:00

I guess this is one of those things that kids do, and when I was telling Cory the story about watching Thea as she one by one pulled the cushion tops off of each of the ottoman sections and set them up on their sides in the living room, he was quick to jump in and say that Leila had done the same thing last week. Monkey See Monkey do I guess, but it was still so cute to watch her little mind working out the logistics of her fort.

Leila is teaching her sister lots of things, how to count, how to identify colors, how to build forts. I know that I recently posted about wondering what Thea would be like without her big sister's influence, but then I guess she wouldn't be the same Thea. As they continue to grow up together I am sure the influence will start to grow in both directions, just as I hope that at some point in my life I have influenced my older sister as my younger siblings have done to me.

I hope that as a parent I am giving my children the values that I hold dear, but as my Dad can attest to, as much as you try to show your children the way of the world, sometimes they go off in their own direction. I wonder how I will feel the first time Leila or Thea voice a true opinion that is not one that I share, aside from "candy makes a good dinner." I hope to think that it won't throw me for a loop, that I will be able to understand where they are coming from. I am hoping that I can sit back and marvel at the way their minds work, but I should probably prepare myself for the inevitable bewilderment.

Birthday girl!

2011-03-14T20:25:00.001-05:00

Gilead

2011-03-11T21:09:00.003-06:00

I don't read Fiction books very often. I spend so much time trying to wrap my brain around the real world, that Fiction seems like a waste to me, when I could be focused on truth. Because I came across a reference to the book Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson that indicated that it was based on my hometown of Tabor, Ia, my interest was peaked. Couple that with the fact that it won a Pulitzer prize and the author is a local to Iowa City, I decided it was worth a shot.

I won't go into all of the details of the book, but I will say this. I should really give Fiction more of a chance. This book was so full of real honest truth that I can't believe it came out of someone's imagination. It is totally awe inspiring for me.
The premise of the story is that a much older father knows that he won't watch his son grow up, and he wants to leave something behind of himself.

I will share my favorite passage from the book:
"I'd never have believed I'd see a wife of mine doting on a child of mine. It still amazes me every time I think of it. I'm writing this in part to tell you that if you ever wonder what you've done in your life, and everyone does wonder sooner or later, you have been God's grace to me, a miracle, something more than a miracle. You may not remember me very well at all, and it may seem to you to be no great thing to have been the good child of an old man in a shabby little town you will no doubt leave behind. If only I had the word to tell you."

Wow. I loved love loved that.

You should read this book too. I hope you love it as much as I did.

Even

2011-03-11T20:49:00.002-06:00

The time was getting away from me all week and so I found myself at Target during my lunch hour today to search out a birthday gift for Sunday's little birthday girl.
This is not an easy task, and it got me to thinking about how much of who Thea is, is because of her sister. When I think of what Thea likes...aside from books and puzzles, which she genuinely seems to adore, she likes what Leila likes. They both carry around their stuffed animals, special blankets (Though Leila seems to be outgrowing this) and they play with Barbies and Polly Pockets.

As I walked through the Target store I went up and down the toy aisles looking for something especially for Thea. There were lots of baby dolls, but I had already told others about Thea's love of babies. I saw a baby stroller. We already have one, even if has been through the beatings of one child already. That is a guilt pang for another day.

I can't bring myself to buy Polly Pockets and Barbies for my 2 year old. She is a baby, and likely wouldn't care about those things at all if her big sister didn't make them seem so attractive. I finally settled on a puzzle and a musical guitar. But I left the store feeling unsure about my choice, and worrying.

Every time I tell Leila or Thea that I love them, I worry that the other will think that I don't love them as well. When Thea does something that is totally adorable, as nearly 2 year olds frequently do, I tend to gush my affection for her. I look at Leila, as she tries to create the same reaction in her mother and I know, she isn't getting enough from me.

Sometimes I wish I had a clicker in each pocket so I could keep track of the attention that I rain on my children, and make sure that the count comes out as evenly as Santa's offerings on Christmas morning. At least I know that at only 2 years old Thea won't look at her birthday presents and think, "You don't even know me!" But I think that my Thea goal for her 3rd year must be to learn more of what my little girl is when big sister isn't around. And of course, even it out with some solo Leila time as well! ;)

Old Lady Rants

2011-02-28T21:12:00.004-06:00

I have no issues admitting that I am an old lady, trapped in the body of a 30 year old. My parents would tell you that I have always been kind of an old lady. I remember as a child asking my Dad how I should go about getting insurance. He assured me that eight year olds don't have to worry about that, and when the time came, I would find an insurance agent without a problem.

Last week Cory and I were driving to work along the Coralville strip and I was telling him a story of some kind when all of the sudden my ears were assaulted by the awful bumping bass in the car next to us. I could feel the little hairs in my ears shaking, and I could no longer concentrate or remember what I was talking about. I believe I did utter the words, "Isn't there some kind of law about how loud you can have your music in the car?!?! I can't hear myself think right now! That guy is going to ruin his hearing!"

Yes, I am old. But maybe the most tell tale sign of my advanced maturity is my complete loathing of the popular acronym that the kids are throwing around these days, FML. I see it on Facebook all the time, from generally younger friend, but sometimes high school classmates who obviously have never had their lives touched by any kind of real tragedy, otherwise they would know how insensitive and obtuse it is to declare "F--K My Life" over something as trivial as a missed opportunity to go out for a beer, or a pair of pants that are suddenly too tight.

I am certainly familiar with melancholy, and self pity is not something that is below me, but I can't ever see the humor in FML. I hate it. If no one in your household is suffering from a terminal illness, please give it a second thought before you callously dismiss the blessings in your life to complain about your less than perfect day by damning your whole life. It isn't funny.

I think I am done now.

While on the subject....

2011-02-19T21:29:00.001-06:00

Of nostalgia...another gem I came across.

http://vivianmaier.blogspot.com/

This is amazing, and just what I love about photography, true captured moments.

Abandoned Houses

2011-02-19T20:27:00.007-06:00

Our family makes a lot of trips up and down twelfth avenue and years ago I noticed the big abandoned white house. It stuck out in an area ripe with 1950s block like ranches. It looked like a stately old farm house that had probably once known the laughter of lots of children, running in and out, letting the screen door snap shut behind them as they bound down the porch stairs and out to explore. The house has several porches, including a huge second story porch. I could picture the woman of the house resting in an old wooden chair, gazing at the stars and feeling the cool evening breeze while enjoying the silence as her children slept off their exhaustion from the long summer day.

You could say that I had invested something of myself in the house, and I would have jumped at any opportunity to explore it. Last summer, I got that opportunity, though I have to be honest and say that it had lost some of its appeal. Over the past few years I have seen a lot more activity at the house, and as it turns out, it was being completely restored. You can learn more about the house here: www.bigwhitehouse.org

Leila and I made a trip through the house on the 4th of July. I wish I could say it was everything I had dreamed of, but of course it wasn't. The memory of the way things might have been was too far removed, but it is still a beautiful home.

I thought of the big white house this week when I came across this: http://www.100abandonedhouses.com

How amazing and sad and beautiful. I flipped through the pictures wondering how this could have happened. When did it all go wrong for these beautifully designed homes. What happened to the people that lived here? I guess you could say, I have a thing for Abandoned houses. I want to know what went wrong and I want to imagine them at their best, happiest times. I really want to fix them.

The butt tree

2011-02-13T21:17:00.004-06:00

On our walk back to the car after leaving the birds behind Leila yelled out, "Hey! Look, its a big butt tree!" She pegged that one.

Sunday Funday!

2011-02-13T20:53:00.009-06:00

I feel like it has been a long time since I have really put anything on this blog. Winter has been a dull season of cold and I haven't felt too inspired lately. With the great thaw starting to set in I am happy to post about a fun adventure that we went on today. I love free fun, and the raptor center was definitely worth the trip, even after our long walk and cold noses. And the beautiful sunshine made 45 degrees feel pretty nice.

One of the owls!

The cutest of all of the owls.

Tired baby

Never tired baby

Leila really enjoyed the birds. Tonight when I laid down in bed with her and asked her about the best and worst part of her day, she told me that the best part was seeing almost all of her family, and the worst part was feeling sad for the birds with hurt feet and wings. She is such a sweet little thing.

My high for today? Getting to enjoy the outdoors in reasonable temps. The low - Had to be when at dinner with Grandma Sandi and Papa Ed Leila said that she still didn't know how babies get in their mommy's tummies. I told her to ask me again later and I would explain, lets see how long it takes for her to ask.

2011-02-10T19:16:00.002-06:00

This is how I feel lately too. Maybe it is cabin fever. Maybe it is just me, but lately it seems that every evening is filled with never ending choirs of whining.

2011-02-01T19:53:00.000-06:00

2011-02-01T19:48:00.003-06:00

It seems like everyday I see something on TV or on the internet that makes me question myself. Am I feeding my family the right things? Are we all getting the amount of activity that we should? Do we watch too much TV? Am I giving my kids ADD by letting play video games? And then things like this make me realize that trusting my instincts will always be worth more than the advertisements I have been fed. And I didn't even have to douche with Lysol with come to this realization.

Life

2011-01-26T19:43:00.002-06:00

I remember quite vividly from when I was a child, thinking about what I would do when I was grown up. I had a couple of requirements that stick out in my memory. No pantyhose required and no early mornings.

Someone once suggested to childhood me that maybe I would enjoy being a teacher. At the time I must have had a teacher who liked to wear skirts because I knew right away that it was a no go. Pantyhose.

I currently own no pantyhose, but I do get up earlier than I would ever choose. Lately I feel like every morning I wake up tired and rushed. We hustle out the door as soon as we can get all the teeth and hairs in the house brushed and we are off to the races. A rushed drop off at daycare, a day spent watching the hours creep by and 4:30 hits and we are running again.

I miss the sun, I miss friends that I can't work up the energy to seek out at the end of the day. My kids go to bed, and I fall in right behind them, dreading the alarm clock in the morning.

Sounds like life to me. But at least there are no pantyhose.

2011-01-23T20:55:00.003-06:00

I added a quote to the sidebar of my blog a while back. Sometimes I read a quote that just strikes me, and this one did.

"We are not put on this earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are always there for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you."

-- Jeff Warner

It's the kind of quote that you could base a whole life on. And just think of what a wonderful world we could live in if everyone did?

Is is summer yet?

2011-01-23T20:39:00.002-06:00

Sweet Mabel

2011-01-23T20:35:00.001-06:00

Christmas

2011-01-12T19:32:00.003-06:00

Ever since I started my 365 blog, I feel like I have neglected this place when it comes to pictures. So many of my pictures are taken just to get that one picture a day in, and I just don't take as many photos. I am especially hesitant to take pictures because the flash is always on (yuck and boo for dark winter) and my house is always a big mess. So, just because, here are finally a few pictures from Christmas. I will spare you the pictures of poor Thea's forehead after she fell and grew a golf ball sized goose egg.

Chinese Mothers

2011-01-12T18:56:00.003-06:00

I read an op/ed earlier this week that has stuck with me. As a mother who is constantly questioning my performance at my most important job, a column that points out that there is an entire country, a hugely populated one at that, where every mother out performs me is bound to cause some reflection.

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

As I read through the article, my first thought was that I was sure glad that this lady wasn't MY mother. I bet my kids would agree.

On second thought...as I bit my finger nails off today (The first time in MONTHS :(), and ate breakfast pizza when I am supposed to be dieting, and couldn't concentrate on my work at work, and gave up on getting my toddler to let let me brush her teeth, maybe I need to be my own Chinese mother. I certainly won't start calling my kids names when they "under perform" so being a Chinese mother to them is pretty much out of the question.

Things that are awesome

2010-12-30T12:27:00.000-06:00

That fleeting moment when you are trying to sleep through your stuffy nose and head cold, when you flip over and you can breath through BOTH nostrils at once before gravity takes over and the flood of snot shifts from one side to the other.

New Year

2010-12-30T12:23:00.000-06:00

Another blogger that I read asked her audience to fill her in on what changed for them and their life in 2010. I have been thinking about this for a few days, trying to decide what had changed, not in my surroundings, because that is pretty obvious, but in my heart.

It is much harder to know the changes that can't be seen, and it takes some reflection to come up with an honest answer. I have spent a lot of 2010 floundering. I have felt a lot of internal conflict about my life, my work, my priorities and my purpose. I don't feel that I have gotten very far in coming to conclusions in those areas, and it has been frustrating for me, but a rewarding journey as I spend time trying to know myself better.

During the past year I have worked hard to live my values, and to find meaning in my life in the places and the times that I can control. Instead of arguing and stewing about political issues that bug me, I have volunteered in my community and given to the under served whenever possible. I have learned that living ones values is of much more importance than how one votes.

If I had to sum up my year, I certainly couldn't tie a nice satin bow on it and call it a completed chapter. It has been a year of growth, but not of maturity. For 2011 I have a lot of hopes. For my family, I hope for good health and time spent together and not taken for granted. For myself, I hope for better physical condition, improved professional clarity, fulfilling public service and I hope to become a better photographer and blogger. Happy New Year!

Tops in 2010

2010-12-22T18:58:00.002-06:00

I realize that I still have a week and a half of memories to make during 2010, but I am feeling nostalgic so I wanted to hit on a few of my favorite moments from the past year.

2010 Started off with Cory and I and our lovely family hustling through the laundry list of house projects to complete before listing our house. We put the house up for sale by owner at the tail end of January and we moved out of the house in the middle of April

House for sale

During February my mom, sisters and I had a fun night out at the Roseanne Cash concert. I still think about that evening and what a blast it was!

Roseanne

I am embarrassed to realize that never blogged about the arrival of sweet Veda...likely because Thea was sick that weekend and we were distracted from the welcoming party, but definitely a top item from 2010 is Miss Veda Smith!

In May we had a fun outing with some of her closest friends. We took the kids bowling, and practically had the bowling alley to ourselves while we enjoyed each others company. Again, a total blast!

Bowling

We spent a sometimes challenging, but worth the adventure, summer in a rental condo while our house was being built. I had a great time enjoying my children and making the most of our last Mommy days before I returned to full time work.

Summer 2010

We had a wonderful family vacation filled with boating, bonding and relaxation.

Vacation

We went through another health scare with Cory's heart. Always a hard battle to fight, and one that leaves me counting my blessings and appreciating my life with my loving husband.

Cory's Episode

We finally saw the fruits of our labor, the long awaited new house finally became home! And I can't believe I haven't posted any final/moved in pictures...hmmm

House

Along with the gift of a new home, we also got a new little Howard! Mabel joined the party in October.

Mabel

This year has been a blur, but when I slow down the speed and take a look the memories, I have a lot of smile inducing pictures in my head, and on this blog.

John 14:1-4

2010-12-17T10:33:00.003-06:00

One of my favorite verses. I read this earlier this week and I literally felt the tension leave my shoulders as I processed the words.

John 14:1-4
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God[; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.

Leila and Santa

2010-12-11T20:59:00.002-06:00

I couldn't forget to post this gem...do you think she is excited for Christmas?

Stupid Human Tricks

2010-12-11T20:55:00.003-06:00

This guy is the star of the show at the Coobs house. Nothing like dinner time entertainment watching Daddy try to catch chicken nuggets in his mouth!

Leila's Christmas Program

2010-12-11T20:34:00.004-06:00

For about a week leading up to Leila's program she made sure to remind Cory and I every day that she was going to sing very loud so that Santa would come at the end. I thought this was pretty funny considering this is the 3rd year of her Christmas performance, and Santa is always there but she has never cared. This year is a different ball game. Even though we have already visited with Santa at the mall and delivered the special toy requests I think she wanted to get some more face time with the big guy.
It was so sweet to see Leila up there doing her thing, she danced and sang like she does at home, with no regard for the crowd. Of course she had to stand near her buddy Clara!

Thea had to get in on the action and play with the big kids before the show started!

Dear Leila

2010-12-11T20:14:00.004-06:00

It seems like every day you amaze me in a new way. I remember when you were a tiny baby in my arms and watching your little brown eyes exploring the world around you would set my mind wondering what you could possibly be thinking about. Now I have the joy of your voice to fill me in on just what is going on in that little head of yours.
When it is my turn to tuck you in at night I like to lay down in your bed next to you and curl up under the covers. You like to ask me what the best part of my day was. Most of the time my answer has something to do with you and your sister. The worst part of my day is generally something related to my work. But you, my sweet girl always have a hard time deciding what the best part of your day was. Sometimes it is time spent at school with your friends, and sometimes it is the memory of a family activity. I love how no matter how rough of an evening we may have had, or how hard you fought us about trying your dinner, your answer to the question about the worst part of your day is nearly always, "My day didn't have a worst part, it was all good."
When I think about my life, and how things have changed over the last five years, the world is a totally different place to me, because you are in it. There is no worst part when I get to be your mama.

Love you baby girl.

I Hope

2010-12-05T19:54:00.003-06:00

This morning I was enjoying my family, and preparing lunch for my even bigger family with the Dixie Chicks as my soundtrack.

This is one of my favorite songs, from probably my favorite album ever, and it puts the happy in my melancholy mood. As hard as I find it to live in a world where so many people live with unmet needs and pain and heartache, I have some hope.

'Cause our children are watching us
They put their trust in us
They're gonna be like us
So let's learn from our history
And do it differently

I hope, for more love, more joy and laughter
I hope, we'll have more than we'll ever need
I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly
And we can lose all the pain and misery
I hope, I hope

Fat Girl

2010-12-03T21:16:00.003-06:00

There is something quite humbling about having your love handles pinched by a body fat measuring device, manned by a perfectly toned personal trainer. But, much like how I never imagined that I would allow myself to lay in a hospital bed with a spot light and a crowd all gathered around my lady parts, desperate times call for desperate measures. And at nearly 2 years removed from Thea's grand entrance under the spotlight, my belly growth has taken off again and this time I have no excuse, so desperate measures it is once again.

I bought the gym membership in a fundraiser, the fat pinch and weigh in were a free bonus. I have a long ways to go, but talking about it creates accountability, right?

Christmas has arrived

2010-11-28T19:41:00.002-06:00

I should have waited until later...I will take some with the tripod one of these days...

Advent

2010-11-28T19:10:00.004-06:00

I mentioned to Cory this morning that if not for the icky colds that our girls have developed, today would have been a good day to make a rare appearance in church. He encouraged me to go by myself and enjoy the service without having to worry about keeping the kids under control, and so after a short hesitation when I contemplated staying in my pajamas all day, I headed up to the shower and got myself out the door just in time.

As I sat in church listening to the soothing prelude being played I contemplated my weekend, my year, my life. As O come, O come, Emmanuel sung out from the piano, faces scrolled through my mind. The dear friend that I know is hurting and hoping to feel the presence of God her life. My Mother in Law Sandi, who is fighting disease and uncertainty. The families that I see in the food pantry, hoping for a windfall to get them through. The beautiful little family that was making their first trip to church as a complete family after their baby girl came home from the hospital, a two time open heart surgery survivor. God is good.

I am not a fan of the Holiday season. It always seems like an excuse to spend too much money, eat too much food and book too many activities. Whenever I go to church it seems that I find myself leaving there having been personally spoken to. With our pastor out of town for the holiday weekend, I expected this to be an exception, but instead I enjoyed the beginning of the advent season with the hanging of the greens and the framing up of the Christmas season. As it turned out, I did leave the church having been spoken too. I pray that I continue to feel the love and presence of Christ throughout the season of Advent as I did today.

This weekend was topped off by the hanging of our own personal "greens" this afternoon. Our beautiful new house looks even more beautiful with the colorful lights of Christmas wrapped around our porch and the pretty new Christmas tree, that so fittingly reflects the season on our little girls faces while they play in our living room.

Merry Christmas. Peace be with you.

Arizona

2010-11-17T19:52:00.005-06:00

So Cory and I took a quick trip to Arizona for work. It was outside of my comfort zone, so I had a stomach ache for most of the trip, but I still really enjoyed seeing something different. I made a few observations about Scottsdale. First of all, it is an awesome place to shop. Secondly, everyone there has lots of money. We saw tons of high end cars that we rarely see, especially in such high numbers, here. Bentleys, Porsches and Ferraris were everywhere. Thirdly, Everyone in Scottsdale has a tan, and for two whole days, I got to be the fattest person in eye shot. It was kind of unnerving, but Cory was able to point out to me that we saw a person in the mall that was fatter than me. That was comforting.

The terrain in Arizona was definitely worth the trip, but I am glad to be back in the land of the corn-fed, where I am not the fattest one in the crowd.

Comfort Zone

2010-11-17T05:00:00.000-06:00

I took Leila to a birthday party a couple of weeks ago. It was her first birthday party that wasn't for a family member and I woke up that morning with a rush of anxiety at the thought of taking her. Lots of parents of the kids that Leila goes to school with would be there, and the last thing I wanted to do was alienate the parents of Leila's friends because I am socially awkward. We arrived at the Children's Museum and Leila plopped herself right down with the birthday boy and started in on the art project they were doing together. Being the first of these such events for me, I wasn't sure what the protocol was, but I fully expected to stand off in a corner and watch the festivities, ensuring that my child didn't misbehave. As the other parents began to arrive and leave I realized that I was probably expected to leave as well. I wasn't sure about that, but Leila didn't care either way. I stayed around to snap a few pictures and see if the birthday mom needed any help while I watched more children arrive. There were a few kids that clung to their mothers as if they were being dropped at the doctor’s office instead of a birthday party at one of the coolest kid spots in town. There were lots of tears and anxiety. It made me uncomfortable, because I could see myself in these children. I coaxed Leila to offer seats to the criers, and she did it, just as I asked, and I was proud of her. I have a feeling that as different as Leila is from me, and as happy as she was in the unfamiliar setting of the birthday party, Thea is going to be a clinger like her mama. Sigh.

I left the party and started walking through the mall...by myself. A truly unique experience for me. I strolled around in stores and checked out a new little gift shop where jewelry and gifts sporting famous quotations were sold. That kind of thing is always a hit with an English major like me. I picked up a magnet that proclaimed:

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."

Huh. I am still thinking about this one, two weeks later. Is that really true? Because life within my comfort zone is very nice. Life outside of my comfort zone gives me a stomach ache.

Tell that to the screaming and crying four year olds back at the birthday party and maybe they would agree, after all, they did get cake.

I think...

2010-11-03T19:05:00.002-05:00

I really need this shirt. Don't you?

This site has lots of great stuff that I am eyeing! www.raygunsite.com

2010-11-03T18:51:00.003-05:00

I try not to talk politics too much on here, or in real life for that matter. I hate being disappointed by humanity, and politics inevitable disappoint. I don't like either party very much, and I don't particularly care about the election results, with one exception. I am really disheartened by the vote in Iowa to not retain the 3 judges on the ballot, who along with the other 4 supreme court judges, ruled that gay marriage is not illegal. There are a lot of implications to this action that make me uncomfortable, but above all it makes me really sad that so many people want to take out their anger on these individuals, for doing their jobs and making rulings based on the constitution. And that aside, I am really sad that there are so many people who want to stand in the way of marriage equality. I can't think of a single reason why someone would care to keep someone else from having the rights they enjoy. I know that there are people that I really respect that hold this opinion, but this is an opinion that I can not respect. God is love, and the hate puts me in a bad mood. I feel like we are involved in an ongoing sporting event and both teams will do anything to win. bleck.

This afternoon I turned on my Van Morrison Pandora station on my phone and reminded myself that there is so much more to life than politics.

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep...

2010-11-01T20:28:00.002-05:00

I couldn't help myself from coaxing Leila into a cutesy coordinating outfit with her little sister. Luckily, she was pretty excited about the idea of being Little Bo Peep...likely because she had just gone to see the Toy Story movie with Aunt Cassie so it was fresh in her mind.
Thea loved her costume. Mom and Dad brought it over last Wednesday night, and she refused to take the booties off at bedtime, she slept in them. Again tonight she picked the costume up off of the stairs and carried it over to Cory with her sweet little baby begging face on.

Self Talk

2010-11-01T20:07:00.003-05:00

Leila started out the night with no interest in going up to a strangers door and asking for candy. My Dad and I followed behind while Cory and Andrea led the kids up to the first driveway. I assured Leila that she had met the people who lived in this house, and there was no reason to be scared. I guess the allure of candy, and the reassurance that she would not be confronted with a total stranger was enough to give her the boost she needed to head up to the front door. She returned to the sidewalk with renewed confidence, and we were off!

As I walked down the street with Leila she was chanting happily, "I'm not scared! This doesn't scare me! I'm not scared! This doesn't scare me!"
I thought to myself of all of the mornings of late when I have woken up to an anxious feeling in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I repeat to myself, "I'm not sick, today will be a good day. There is nothing to be worried about."
I have to appreciate that at the ripe old age of four years old, my little Leila has already discovered the art of self-talk. My first line of defense against the butterflies that have taken up permanent residency in my stomach...or maybe its in my mind, either way, I just have to hope that Leila's defense doesn't have to spend as much time on the field as mine does these days.

Block

2010-10-21T20:29:00.003-05:00

I was in a leadership training session all day today (yawn) and the icebreaker question that the instructor asked was, "If you weren't working here, what would your ideal job be?"
This is always such a depressing thing for me to think about, because honestly, I don't think I am skilled at anything that I would *really* want to do as my ideal job.

Today I answered that I would be a professional blogger. Now I can't think of anything professional blogger worthy to say. Sorry.

Mabel

2010-10-21T20:01:00.005-05:00

I am a lucky aunt for sure. I have been for about 2 and a half years now, and I just got a little luckier. I now have another beautiful niece, one who reminds me an awful lot of my little Leila when she was a baby.

I have to say that it is a little bitter sweet to know that that sweet little angel is hours away, but just looking at the pictures hurts because she is so stinking cute. I am amazed to think of my baby brother as a DADDY, but with the examples he has had in his life, I am sure he will be great. As close as the Howard family is, it feels so strange to have pieces of us far away, and going through such huge life milestones without us to support them. I hope and pray that Clay, Rebekah and Mabel know, the words of a cheesy novelty T-shirt I once saw in a drugstore in Tabor, "Someone in Iowa Loves You."

My project

2010-10-17T15:07:00.002-05:00

To mark the milestone of my 30th birthday I have started another blog. Don't worry, I am not walking away from Welcome to Motherhood! ;) I am adding a 365 blog. If it isn't something you are familiar with, basically, you post one picture from everyday of the year. As a full time working mom, I can't say that I will actually make that goal, but I am going to try. I won't be updating everyday, as that is basically impossible for me, but I expect to update at least once a week with a picture for each day. If you are interested, here is the link: http://mythirtyfirst.blogspot.com/

2010-09-28T08:16:00.002-05:00

Three weeks ago was the last time we nursed...she is finally weaned! And she is beautiful!

neurosis overload

2010-09-27T19:45:00.003-05:00

The old saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" is plaguing me. In typical fashion I have gotten myself really worked up, tried to get my mind in order and am now finally at the breaking point where I spew out all of my anxieties while attempting to infuse my post with humor so maybe it won't sound so pathetic to my two or three readers that bother to muddle through the stream of conscientiousness and run on sentences. The countdown is on. Three weeks until we can move into our new house. One week until I am a full time employee again, and our girls are full time daycare kids. Three weeks since I found myself in a constant state of stress that makes my stomach ache, my heart race, and my whole being a little bit terrified to leave this crappy apartment. I am "need a nap" tired about 90% of the time, and the only reasonable excuse I can come up with is that it takes a lot of energy to worry 24 hours a day. Yes, I know this isn't normal.

You would think I was prepping for a moon launch, or the dread equivalent of that little boy in that Disney commercial, "I'm too excited to sleep!"

"I'm too nervous to function!"

More house updates!!

2010-09-26T12:11:00.004-05:00

2010-09-17T20:13:00.006-05:00

I have been really bad about taking pictures lately, I just never think to grab the camera, and most of the time I know that if I did take a picture, it would have piles of toys, dirty dishes and laundry in the background so I wouldn't share it anyway.

So, for now, all I have to offer is updated house pictures. Things are moving along and we got to spend last weekend painting. Cory and I painted three of the four bedrooms upstairs so that we could take advantage of the lack of trim to tape around and carpet to ruin.

When we stopped by there the last couple of days we have seen the trim starting to go up, and the tile floors starting to go down in the bathrooms and laundry room.

This is the master bedroom

Thea's room

Leila's room

And the front...which already looks different. The rail is now complete and the garage is being prepped for the stone. I am thinking stone will be applied this weekend or early next week? We have a schedule but it doesn't seem too accurate since it says the stone was to be done on the 8th.

Magazine recommendation

2010-09-08T21:21:00.004-05:00

While sitting in the hospital with Cory I had a change to actually READ for pleasure! The hospital book store didn't have a huge selection, but this one was a gem. It wasn't too heavily focused on health or fitness, but was more about healthy living in general, for real people. I enjoyed it a lot and I can see myself picking up more issues in the future!

The calm before the storm...

2010-09-08T20:35:00.004-05:00

Before our weekend ended with a 48 hour hospital stay, we spent an afternoon at the apple orchard. We were actually at the orchard, waiting in line to pay for our treats when Cory told me that his heart had gone into the erratic rhythm. It wasn't a new experience for us, so we sat down and ate our apple treats before heading home to see if it would take care of itself. I told Cory he could have an hour to lay down, relax and see what happens, if things were still not right we would be going to the ER. He didn't argue with me and after his rest at home, we called in the troops (Our wonderful families that helped us out with our girls).

Anyway, back to the calm, which wasn't actually all that calm. The orchard was busy and there were lines for everything, but we still had a great time. We picked apples, took a little ride on a tractor trailer and enjoyed warm turnovers. I had been having a rough weekend, and I am so glad that we did this fun family activity before everything went down with Cory's heart. As hectic as it was to deal with keeping the kids under control and the fighting the crowds, it was just the boost I needed to get through.

little readers

2010-09-08T20:27:00.004-05:00

What is it about babies and the love of really repetitive boring books? I enjoy reading to the girls, and Thea is LOVING books lately. She is constantly bringing me books to read to her, and I think it's great! She is learning lots of animals and can make lots of animal sounds. My favorite is when she sees a duck, she sticks her hands in her arm pits and flaps her wings when she quacks...SO CUTE!

Anyway, there are times when it is difficult to stop everything and sit down to read a book, but I have learned that there are benefits to the lame books that Thea loves most...her sister can "read" them to her! How sweet is this?!

Free Falling

2010-09-06T21:44:00.002-05:00

Last night I was driving home from the hospital when it was nearly 11:00 at night. In the car, alone is not an experience I often get, but as I made my way through the country on the curvy road I appreciated being alone with my thoughts. I couldn't help but think about how fragile life is. Cory was left behind at the hospital, spending the night as a precaution on the cardiology floor. I drove down the street, watching the moonlight reflect on the wet pavement and feeling the cool, wet fall breeze through my open window. A beautiful quiet night. I thought about my friend Cindy, who had just left the hospital with a brand new baby girl, and of my brother Clay and Rebekah, who had lost Rebekah's sister unexpectedly last week. Just like that, life will never be the same. Every moment that goes by, someone is losing their sister. Someone is gaining a daughter, someone's heart stops beating, and another is miraculously restored.
I pulled into North Liberty across town from my final destination and I turned up the radio to distract myself from my own thoughts. The first thing I hear, "I wanna free fall out into nothing /Oh I'm gonna leave this world for a while /

And I'm free
Free falling
Falling

I turned up the volume and I sang it at the top of my lungs through the tears forming in my eyes. I found my mantra for the day. You can either worry the whole way down about what the landing might feel like, or you can close your eyes, take a deep breath and enjoy the wind in your face.

Motherhood

2010-09-02T15:28:00.003-05:00

I saw this posted on Facebook and I thought it was a neat idea. Some of these really resonated with me, and I have a few of my own I would add...

Picture me holding up a sign with this written on it:

"Its no longer about you. At all."
"Enjoy control of the TV and car radio, that won't last."
"Prepare for a world where every day is full of terrible possibilities."

I could think of several other more encouraging things to say to childless me, but I figured I might as well prep for the worst, the good stuff can be a pleasant surprise.

House

2010-09-01T12:24:00.004-05:00

I feel like it is two steps forward and three steps back with the house. We are very happy so far, but the progress has been slow, and the latest set back was this weekend with the insulation. We upgraded the insulation in the house from the typical bats of fiberglass to a blown in insulation that adds additional R-value. When we checked the house out on Friday, we saw that the insulation upgrade wasn't completed. So after all of the drywall was up on Sunday night, most if it had to come down on Monday to switch out the insulation. We are on track to have the house done by October 11th, and we will be working in some time to paint bedrooms next weekend. Though the painters will paint any color you want, it costs extra and we are cheap, so we are doing our "custom" colors on our own!

Pink for Thea, purple for Leila, and blue/gree for Cory and I.

Here are some pictures of the latest progress...our GREEN siding is almost done! :)

Today

2010-09-01T10:14:00.002-05:00

Today is Leila's first "extra" day of preschool. Normally (Until October anyway) the girls both spend Tuesday and Thursday at Love-A-Lot, Mondays with Grandma Lori and Wednesday and Friday with me. Now that Leila is in the State preschool program, she needs to be at school an extra half day a week and so Wednesday mornings in September are just for Thea and I. So far this morning I have already given in on my attempt to wean and we have spent a couple of hours cuddling in the recliner and reading books. Heaven on earth, nothing beats a nice long cuddle with a sweet baby. What I need is a memory machine to store this away so when I am spending my Wednesday mornings sitting at my desk at work, I can remember the way she smelled, and her squishy soft skin and that beautiful dimpled smile. *sigh*

2 things

2010-08-26T20:36:00.003-05:00

Today we drove by our house after work, like we do on most days, and our new neighbor happened to be coming home at the the same time. We had already met her husband because he is actually one of the contractors that we have been working with. This was the first time that I had ever seen the wife. I had one of those moments where you are too caught up thinking about the possibilities to really concentrate on the now, and not saying something totally stupid to this person you are making a first impression with. I don't even remember what I said to her, I just remember that she looked very normal and very much like the kind of woman that I would choose to be friends with, which of course made me nervous. This lady is going to have to listen to me yell at my kids for as long as she lives next door.

I was picturing us walking across each other's yards to chat, and maybe having a real live friend that lives within 20 miles of me and isn't related. The possibilities are endless, and now that I have built up a potential friendship with a normal seeming neighbor, I can only hope I haven't set myself up for disappointment. I really hope she likes beer and football. I really hope I didn't come off as a total loser.

Thing 2.

This evening after dinner Cory was sitting in the recliner and he said to Leila, "get your shoes on, I want to show you something!" From where he was sitting he could see out the deck door, so I figured he must have spied an interesting animal or piece of machinery that he wanted to let Leila check out, but I wasn't sure. Leila got her shoes on and they were out the door together. I had to know what was up so I picked up Thea and we walked out to the deck. I stood her up on the plastic patio chair so that she could just peak over the wood rail and we stood there as we watched Leila and Cory, walking hand in hand through the grass outside of our building. I gave Cory a look of confusion and he said, "We are going to see how tall the corn is."
Cory and Leila talk in the car quite often about the things that we see on our drives. Here in Iowa, corn is a frequent site. As we have watched the corn grow all spring and summer long we have discussed how tall it has gotten and today Leila got to see up close and personal that the corn is taller than DADDY! and that is tall.
Cory reminds me from time to time when he does something out of the ordinary with the girls that you never know what they might remember, so you should do your best to consider the memories you may not even know you are making. I wonder if they made a memory tonight? Who knows, but I will enjoy remembering the view with little Thea, chocolate-y slobber running down her chin after her chocolate chip cookie dessert. She was watching her daddy with big sister on his shoulders, walking in the grass below us. Leila waved at Thea, and Thea returned the wave, on tip toes to keep her sister in sight for as long as possible. The corn just keeps on growing around here, and so do these big girls!

A rose by any other name...

2010-08-25T13:11:00.003-05:00

A family member recently said to me, "You guys sure come up with some interesting names!"

I responded with a smile. Though the word interesting could be taken as an insult, it didn't bother me. It's true, I guess. Naming children is a very hard job. Leila herself asks me from time to time why I named her Leila. The truth is that we found the name in a baby book, and we loved it immediately. I was very close to delivery when we happened across the name, and if we hadn't found it, Leila could very well be a Natalie.

The night that Leila was born we had a a nurse and my OB doctor in the room with us quite a bit. They had asked us what we were going to name our baby and we told them that if we had a boy, we really didn't know yet what his name would be, but if it was a girl, it would be Leila. When she made her grand entrance in the middle of the night the doctor and nurse announced her arrival with, "It's Leila!" instead of the traditional "It's a girl!" That is our Leila, her presence was strong from the moment she entered the world, and when I held her in my arms and looked down at her beautiful dark hair and brown eyes I knew that we were right, as Leila's name is an Arabic/Persian name that means two things. Dark haired beauty, and born at night. Both of which fit our new princess. We capped off our dark beauty with a middle name that means strength and nobility. I can't imagine anything more fitting!

Naming a second child is an even more challenging proposition. Leila's name was right the moment we found it, and it was validated to us the moment she was born. There was no doubt. When our little Thea was born we found ourselves in a familiar position. If it was a boy we had a name that we loved all picked out. If it was a girl...we were going to have some work ahead of us. Cory and I debated names for months. I searched the social security website for baby names that were popular in the late 1800, and ealy 1900's. I did not want something that was made up or new, but I also didn't want anything that was common or ordinary. One thing was for sure though, her middle name would be Dalene, for my grandma.
The truth is, if not for the fact that Cory watched me experience natural childbirth, and had to listen to me cry that I felt like I might die at any moment, Thea's name may have been Maya or Tessa. I wanted Thea. Thea is a Greek name, and it means "gift of God." I don't think a name meaning could be much nicer than that...and in combination with Dalene, I have always kind of thought of Thea as my gift from heaven...my baby that Grandma Dalene knew before I did.

So when I hear that I have interesting name choices, I happen to feel a sense of pride in our choices. Interesting is just what I was going for. Lots of thought went into the decisions to name or girls, and I am very satisfied. It is just too bad we never got to use our boy name.

2010-08-22T21:12:00.001-05:00

Leila. Leila, Leila, Leila. The girl is seriously spooked about something, and I can't figure out where it came from. We are starting week 4 of serious crying and carrying on at bed time. She refuses to sleep in her own room. I have heard every excuse from; my bed isn't comfortable, my sheets aren't very pretty, I have bad dreams, I need a grown up to be able to sleep, your bed is more comfortable for me.
So after much crying, whining and carrying on, one of us will lay in bed with her until she falls asleep, only to find hours later that she has woke up and climbed into our bed. My first hint that she has arrived is usually an elbow or a foot to the face.
Thea is the only one getting any quality sleep around here. And I have to say, as much as I adore my big girl, it is getting very hard to be patient with her 24 hours a day with no break. Not even to sleep. Tonight I cuddled her in the chair and read her a book, and for awhile I was able to forget how crazy she is making me, because she is darn cute. But seriously, is this a phase that will pass (PLEASE GOD, TELL ME THIS WILL PASS) or should I be worried?

Bracing Myself

2010-08-22T20:49:00.003-05:00

When I started working part time after Thea was born I knew it would be a temporary arrangement. This fall, on my own accord, I set the date. October 4th.
It would work out perfectly...Leila could have a year of full day pre-school before going off to kindergarten. Thea would be weaned in the spring of 2010 and I could have a summer to enjoy hanging out with my daughters without having to deal with nursing in public and the constant hormone high that makes me a crazy person. We would be moved into our new house, and I could slowly ramp up my work effort.

Thea still isn't weaned, because I can't bring myself to turn her down when she cries and whines "mama, mama." So I am still a crazy person on a hormone high from Hades. Our house is now delayed to the middle of October. So I will be working full time, and yet not have earned any vacation time yet to use to settle in. My work load is...well, lets just say that it won't be hard to fill my days come October.
The only thing that is going as planned is daycare, and we pay them a whole lot to go as planned.

I always knew this would come, and there are a lot of reasons why it is the right move, but I am bracing myself for the fall out. I don't know what I will do without my relaxing days at home with the girls watching PBS, reading books, catching up on laundry and housework. My opportunity to take the girls out and see friends and hang out at the library or the children's museum.

Dear Lord, how will I ever catch up on housework?

Work will get easier, in the sense that I will be able to meet expectations a bit easier, not that it will get easier for me to want to be there. Everything else. Everything is about to get a lot harder, and I brace myself, and try not to cry.

2010-08-20T08:35:00.000-05:00

Summer time

2010-08-20T08:22:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was the first day of school in Iowa City, and lots of other places where I have Facebook friends. I love seeing the first day of school pictures with tiny little kids, full of excitement and wearing their new clothes, standing on the front stoop wearing a backpack that would better fit a child twice their size. I remember my own first day of kindergarten picture. I am wearing a teal dress, standing on the front porch of our farm house in Tabor. It is hard to believe that this is the last year that the first day of school will be just another day for me. Next year, I will surely have Leila decked out in her favorite outfit...I am betting it will be a dress or skirt, and hopefully she will be grinning in excitement for her first day of Kindergarten. Time flies when you're having fun!

We have been making the most of our summer, and this week has been no different. We kicked off the weekend with a trip to the farmer's market and an afternoon at Kinnick Stadium for kids day.

It was very hot that day, but the girls were troopers for a long time...I am sure Grammy's diet coke helped...yeah, I know my baby is drinking is diet coke.

Can't get enough of this view...

Cowgirl!

2010-08-13T11:25:00.002-05:00

Have you ever seen anything this cute? I doubt it.

Sisters

2010-08-13T11:20:00.002-05:00

One of these days Thea is going to be a master of following directions, and I will have Leila to thank for ordering her around. So far, Thea doesn't resist too much, except for the fact that she is a baby and naturally isn't great at following directions, which really frustrates her big sister. Sometimes it works out, and it is pretty cute.

Changes

2010-08-13T11:19:00.000-05:00

I have this habit. A couple of times a year I find myself feeling totally disgusted with myself. Then I decide to make some changes. The list usually consists of: regular exercise, eating more vegetables, getting up earlier in the morning, stop biting my nails, losing massive amounts of weight, watching less TV, spending less time on the internet, eating at home more, not drinking pop....you get the picture.

So that is how it starts. And it usually ends with me being overwhelmed, failing big time at at least one of the above and then saying to hell with it all and returning to the status quo. Which is why I currently don't exercise, weigh too much, eat too much junk, drink tons of pop, wake up at the last possible minute in the morning, watch too much TV and spend too much time on the internet. Oh, and I bite my nails, and yes I know that is gross and immature.

This time I decided to give myself a little break, and see if I could maybe do better just focusing on a couple of items. So far I am on day 5 of not biting my nails, and I though I am not counting every calorie, I am making a true effort to lose weight.

Yesterday, day four, as I drove home from work I was so hungry that I was sure that my stomach was eating itself. All I could think about was this one jagged fingernail that was taunting me to just put it out of its misery and bite it off! It was a torturous drive, running my finger over the top of that nail, thinking about pulling into every gas station in eye shot and buying a huge pop and a oatmeal creme pie. This is hard stuff.

I surprised my weak will power by making it all the way home and snacking on a banana while I walked the dog. That banana sucked. I still want an oatmeal creme pie. And a nail file.

Vacation

2010-08-09T19:38:00.011-05:00

Last summer on our annual vacation to Warsaw, MO I spent the week lounging around the sweet cabin that we rented and taking care of my baby Thea. This year was lots of action. Aside from the day that we spent at the outlet mall in Osage Beach, every day was spent on the water. Uncle Randy brought his two Jetskis and we all spent out days floating, boating and jetskiing. It was a great time, but it was one that I am still recovering from!

The highlight of the trip for me was definitely just getting to spend time with my family. My sisters are all such wonderful women, and our families are awesome. I don't know how else to put it. My Morgan family that we rarely get to see, and my Howard family that we all miss from the days that we lived closer are just so much fun to be around. I spent way too many nights staying up later then I should and laughing with my family. I got up too early and was blinded by the bright morning sun coming in the giant picture windows, I got way too much sun but a great tan, I tried out the jetski for the first time, and the second, third, fourth...I kind of liked the jetski. I spent too much money but got some great new running shoes that I have yet to run in, I ate too much delicious food (gained 4 lbs :() and I had a blast.
I also got to mess around with Andrea's laptop and try some different effects with my pictures. This is one that Cory and I both really like of our baby Thea, who also had a great time.

The kids (And their parents) really loved having all of that time to spend with Grandma and Pop Pop. They definitely have a growing fan club. (Can you blame them?)

Thea discovered a love of watermelon.

Leila enjoyed lots of time in her favorite spot on the boat...right in the front!

I got to spend a week away from worries at work, with this guy. I like him.

And he got to play with the toy he wishes he owned.

And I got to take some pictures on our sunset cruise...but with all the beautiful sky, this was definitely my favorite shot.

Though these weren't so bad either...

All in all, a great trip, but totally exhausting, huh Sawyer?

House stuff

2010-08-04T16:18:00.003-05:00

We rolled into town after a week in Warsaw to see tons of house progress! We were thrilled to be able to walk into the house and actually see the layout all framed up and to be able to show the girls their future bedrooms. It makes everything seem so much more real!
This is the view from the outside...part of the roof of the porch isn't on there yet in this picture, but you get the idea. The house will have a rail on the front stoop. I could say it is a porch, but it is really pretty small.

This is Leila in the bonus bedroom over the garage. It is bigger than either of the girls rooms, but we are going to use it as an office/craft room for our computer workstation and my sewing stuff...maybe a little table and chairs for the girls to color at. That bedroom also has a pretty huge walk in closet that we can use for storage, and opposite that closet is the laundry room.

This is a picture that I took from the front door. Our downstairs is all open. The small window is in the kitchen.

Our closing date has been moved back and so we are now looking at mid October because of the raining June/July we had. It is disappointing, but we want everything done right...we don't want to move again!

Beautiful

2010-08-04T16:00:00.003-05:00

The other day I was driving home from Lowden by myself listening to a Taylor Swift CD that my little sister Dani had given to me. I heard a few songs all in a row that had a common theme...beauty. I thought of Dani, who is most definitely a beautiful girl. I thought about all of the many reasons that I love my baby sister. When Dani was born Andrea and I were old enough to offer a lot of help taking care of her, and I think we have always felt a little bit like Dani was our baby, not just our sister. Maybe that is why I am especially proud of what a wonderful woman she has grown in to. The thing about Dani is that she has such beautiful outsides, that sometimes I forget to compliment her insides, which are equally beautiful. From a painfully shy little girl, she has grown into the kind of woman that goes out of her way to make other people happy. She has a beautiful soul, and a will do just about anything for someone in need. I remember my mom telling me about Dani offering a ride to school to a kid that had a terribly long bike ride in the cold winter without her assistance. That is just Dani.
Now that I have my little Leila people tell me all the time that she looks just like her aunt Dani, and I can only hope that my daughter turns out to be as beautiful, thoughtful and funny on the inside as my beautiful baby sister.

I love you Dani!

House progress!

2010-07-21T20:10:00.003-05:00

We are starting to get somewhere now!

The decking for the first floor went down at the end of last week

And today...

The first floor is basically done! There aren't many interior walls, there is a bathroom and a closet, otherwise it is completely open.

The garage floor hasn't been poured yet, so they have not framed the garage. I am not sure if we will see the second floor go up before we leave for a weeks vacation this weekend, but either way, we are so happy to see things moving along and really curious to see what it will look like when we get back into town!

A Success at Trying

2010-07-14T10:46:00.004-05:00

Let me first preface this post by warning you that this is not a story of success. Not in the Hollywood sense of the word.

There are a several things that I won't do. They can pretty much be summed up to include:

1. Dancing, unless I am drunk
2. Singing in front of you if you aren't family
3. competing in any kind of competition that I don't think I have a chance of winning
4. Anything that might draw attention to myself and cause me to feel foolish
5. Anything that might result in me becoming the center of attention

Many of these things are really for the best. Particularly the singing and/or dancing. It isn't pretty.

Ever since I was a little kid, we have spent time on a boat during the summer. Sometimes it would just be a time or two out on a farm pond, but the last couple of years have resulted in lots of boat time, now that Dad has his own boat.

This past weekend I confronted what I had avoided for the last 29 summers. As much as I fear lake water, I try my best to put it aside for the sake of my family. I work very hard to give my girls every experience that they show interest in, and then some. They both love the lake, so I deal.

One of Leila's favorite things about the boat is watching Cory and Papa water ski. I love the look of amazement and admiration in her eyes when she watches them, but that is not enough to get me out of the boat.

Last weekend I watched my sister Cassie as she persistently attempted to water ski. I watched from the boat with the kids and I thought about a time, not too many summers ago when Cassie wouldn't wear shorts, let alone a swimming suit.

The Cassie is one special lady. I am amazed by her for a lot of reasons, but on this day, I was impressed with her ability to overcome her own mental road blocks to be able to really enjoy life, and try. Something that I am not good at.

I took a page out of Cassie's page, set my inhibitions and fears aside and sat back in the cool lake water, with my Dad behind me for support (Thanks again Dad:)). The skis felt more natural under my feet than I expected, and the pull of the boat was not as fast and intimidating as I had always perceived while watching this activity from the boat. I sat back in the water, arms straight, knees bent and I yelled to my mom, the boat drive, "Go!"

The force of the water was felt against my legs and arms as the boat took off. I put all of my concentration into trying not to do the splits. Unsuccessful. A nose full of water later I had done it! I had finally tried.

Yeah, that is the end. I didn't get up out of the water, and I may never, but I tried.

When I asked Leila what her favorite part of the boat trip was on the way home that night I would be lying if I didn't say that I had hoped she would bring up my failed attempted to impress her, but instead she belted out, "Watching Cassie Ski! She tried and tried and she almost got it!" I guess I wasn't the only one in the boat that Cassie impressed that day, Thanks Cassie, you rock!

House Update

2010-07-14T10:34:00.002-05:00

Looks pretty familiar, huh? The lack of house updates is not due to lack of blogging time, but rather lack of progress. As disappointed as we are that things haven't been moving along, we are doing our best to not worry about it and to trust in our builder. The weather has not been favorable with the excessive amounts of rain that we have had during June and July, and it is making it impossible to backfill around the foundation. We are waiting and hoping that this won't hold us back from closing on time, and we have been assured that it isn't crisis time yet. The builder has built a house from nothing to complete in 70 days and we are currently 61 days from our proposed closing date. Rain Rain Go Away!

The good news is, once they get started, it should come together really quickly to stay on target, and we also built in a couple of extra weeks to the timeline so we won't be homeless if this continues for a bit longer.

There are lots of things going on in my life that are testing my ability to have patience in those things that I can not control, and this is no exception. Serenity now!

Jamboree!

2010-07-14T10:16:00.007-05:00

Last week Andrea and I set out on a trip to Walcott to visit Papa Carey and take the kids to see the trucks at the Jamboree. Here are a few pictures from our fun day with Papa. Leila was so excited to go she started asking me as soon as she woke up, "when do we get to go to Papa's work?!"

Now Andrea and Sawyer can both say that they have sat in a racecar!

We all had a good time checking out the trucks...and ourselves!

And of course enjoyed a cool treat on a hot day!

Thanks Dad for slipping away to spend time with us last week!!!

America's Birthday

2010-07-06T19:21:00.003-05:00

We had a great weekend, and I hope you all did too! Now that Leila is getting a little older, we are working at helping her understand things, like what it means to be an American. When we were at the Ski show last week the moment came when they played the national anthem and everyone stood quietly, except for Leila. We decided then that we needed to take the opportunity to teach our little lady a lesson.

On the way home we talked about what it means to be an American. I want Leila to feel pride in her country and appreciation for the sacrifices that others have made, and continue to make for our freedom. The problem is, I am generally not a patriotic person. That is not to say that I am not grateful to live in a free country where I have had many privileges, but I do my best to think of myself, and everyone else as equals. There is a fine line between pride and arrogance, and I want to be sure that my daughter appreciates the privileged life that she leads, without believing that she is better than anyone else, or more deserving.

As I tried to explain to her what makes America a special place to live, I was torn. I wanted to point out the nice houses we have lived in, the wide open spaces we have to play in, the abundance of food and the comforts of the western world that we experience every day. But I can't help but think of all of the Americans who don't have those luxuries that we have come to expect.

I spent a lot of time pondering this, and my own feelings about America in the days leading up to the 4th of July, and on that day I was reminded of my patriotism as I watched the 4th of July parade and later as I sat at home with Leila, playing patriotic songs on youtube. Lee Greenwood singing God Bless the USA brings tears to my eyes every time.

The National Anthem now nearly always reminds me of the first football game I attended at Kinnick Stadium after the September 11th attacks. I had stood in that stadium for the anthem countless times before, without giving it much thought. That day I know I had tears in eyes as the 70,000 fans in Kinnick stood in stoic silence during the singing of the national anthem, all of our hearts and minds were in the same place. Independence day takes me back to that place, that feeling of pride. I am so thankful for the privilege to call myself an American. Having lived in a time when our country was attacked has changed the way that I feel about a lot of things, but most notably: I am so proud of the American's who put their country first, and grateful for their sacrifices. 2. I hope that as I age I continue to see American moving towards respect and understanding of those that are different than us.

God Bless America!

America's Birthday, Take 2

2010-07-06T19:00:00.000-05:00

On to the fun stuff!

We had a great time at the parade. Leila picked up more candy then she could ever eat on her own. (I personally am very happy that tootsie rolls are such a popular parade treat...my favorite!)
We made a birthday cake for America, and we shared it with our dear friends the Weber's.
I have a couple of pictures from the parade that I stole from Cory's Facebook page...I have been so exhausted I haven't uploaded any pictures myself...not to mention that it is very difficult to take pictures with my new fancy camera while also keeping at least 1 child under control. I have much higher hopes for my photography ability than I probably should. I think I am going to see about signing up for a class somewhere...I could use the help.

After the birthday cake we were able to check out Coralville's fireworks show. I had been looking forward to taking some fireworks pictures but with the view of the fireworks slightly obstructed by hyvee's parking lot lights, I decided to just sit and enjoy the show with our kids. Thea slept through the whole thing, and Leila, Bryce and Eli went back and forth between enjoying the show, and terrorizing each other. I think there were some tired kids out that night!

Sisters

2010-07-02T20:55:00.000-05:00

The older they get, the better the playing gets. Even though Leila is so often guilty of making her sister cry, that this evening when Thea fell and hit her face on the floor, a whole room away from Leila, Leila yelled out, "I didn't mean for her to fall!" Thea loves her big sister, and is always quick to follow her lead, and Leila is happy to oblige!

And totally unrelated but so cute, and so Leila...She was dancing along to the music at the ski show, loving her new dress from Aunt Cassie! :)

Daddy

2010-07-02T20:49:00.000-05:00

I try not to gush (really!) Because nobody likes a sap, but Daddy Coobs is a true gem. This man is adored by the ladies in his life, as you can probably tell. Love you Daddy!

And of course there are some other special Daddies that get lots of love from the Coobs' girls....

Even though Uncle Steve is helping Sawyer squirt Leila in this picture, he is still on the good list! :)

And a couple other favorites of mine! : )

Summer Fun!

2010-07-02T20:41:00.001-05:00

This will be my last summer of part-time employment, and I am trying to make the best of it. Starting in October it will be back to the grind full time, and in the mean time I am working on finding as much fun, cheap or free activities that I can enjoy with the girls as possible. My goal is to load up on memories (though I am probably the only one who will remember them) and tire my kids out so I can manage to get them to sleep even though Leila says, "I don't want to go to sleep when the sun is still awake!"

So far we have made a couple of trips to a splash pad, we are working on earning a T-shirt through the library summer reading program and we have explored several area parks (Free!). I am on the look out for out of the ordinary and so I was excited to see that after seeing the Richmond's post about the ski show in Cedar Rapids, that there was another performance that we could hit. My kids love to boat, and watching Daddy ski is always a high light. Hopefully after seeing the barefoot skiers, and the skiing pyramids, they will still be impressed by Cory!

Here are some pictures of the Coobs' (And Smith! :) Family summer so far!

Splash pad!!

Sawyer the gunner!

Dinner Wars

2010-07-01T18:24:00.004-05:00

Leila is a picky eater. If I am being totally honest, she comes by it naturally. Last night as I listened to her cry and whine like I had taken her birthday away at the prospect of having to eat *one* bite of dinner before she would be allowed to go for ice cream, I realized that my mother's wish had come true. All of those times she told me that some day I would have a kid just like me...yep.

I made Zucchini cakes. They were tasty, and not to be confused with anything healthy that I may have tried to make my kids eat. Picture cheese, breadcrumbs, eggs and shredded zucchini fried in a skillet. Like I said, not health food. Leila went on and on before finally, in a last second effort to earn a trip to DQ she choked down a single bite. As she stood there chewing as fast as she could, with one hand plugging her nose to avoid the taste, I was thrown back in time. Sitting at our kitchen table in the farm house in Tabor at the table all alone after everyone else had finished dinner, with a plate full of corn that I did not want to eat, or a plate of spaghetti with "gravy" on it.

This evening I was tempted to take a picture, but then I thought better of it when I imagined my own mother posting a picture of my dinnertime drama-fest from a couple of decades ago.

Tonight it was meatloaf. A dish that I have been making for Cory for several years, and he has always raved about. As Leila whined and cried and choked down her one bite, I had to remind myself that most of the time she thinks I am awesome, so I shouldn't take it too personally that at dinner time she looks at me like I am the evil lunch lady with a ladle full of slop. My daughters are beginning to shake the confidence that I had built up about my cooking abilities.

Motherhood, one day you are on the top of the world from the chants of "Mommy! You are the best!I Love you!" And the next, you are greeted at the dinner table after preparing a thoughtful, wholesome meal with whining, tears and the occasional gag from across the table.

S'more!

2010-06-30T13:59:00.003-05:00

Thea's first s'more, do you think she liked it?

I think she did...

Babies

2010-06-25T09:07:00.003-05:00

Some days, most days lately, I look at my daughters and I just want to drink in their youth; their carefree little spirits, their beautiful sweet soft skin, fluffy cheeks and uninhibited joy. Children are amazing, and their perspective is priceless.
In the car on the way to school yesterday Leila says to me, "Mommy, I am not going to grow up anymore, I am going to stay this size forever!"

I didn't respond right away, because I was thinking to myself right now, when there are no tantrums in sight, that doesn't sound so bad to me. Every day I wake up missing my girls, and every night when they go to bed I am torn between wanting to bask in my freedom from their constant needs, and the sometimes overwhelming desire to sit by their beds all night memorizing their sweet faces and verifying every breath they take. The other night when I woke in the middle of the night to see Leila's scared little face looking at us, I can't say that it bothered me to see Cory lift her up and place her between us in our bed, where our very presence was enough to calm her back to sleep.

I came to my senses, and I reminded Leila that if she stayed this size forever, she wouldn't get to go to kindergarten. Leila has been looking forward to kindergarten for about year now, and with one year left to go to get there, She quickly realized that she couldn't stop growing right now. Instead she told me she would stop growing up as soon as she went to kindergarten.

I responded with, "But what about 1st grade? Do you think that might be fun someday?"
Leila had to think about that for a minute. "Ok, I will go to first grade, and then I am gonna stop growing up!"

I thought I better bring her back down to earth so I replied, "Well Leila, what about being 7, 8, 9??? You never know, maybe 10 is the best age!"

Her face turned sad and she looked down at her lap, that was covered by the special baby blanket that she has loved for the last 4 years. "But Momma, if I keep growing, I am going to outgrow my Nigh Night."

"Leila, even if you get big, you can always keep your nigh night."

Leila looked up at me, a little more hopefully now that I had reassured her that nigh night wasn't going anywhere and she said, "Mommy, no matter how big I get, even when I am 10, I will still be your baby!"

No doubt about it!

2010-06-24T21:14:00.000-05:00

I love photography. Why? The details. I never want to forget these sweet faces.

Daddy

2010-06-20T06:27:00.001-05:00

Happy Daddy's day! As a woman who grew up with an awesome dad, and pats herself on the back all the time for choosing such an awesome dad to make a family with, I love fathers day!

Here is a little father's day love for my baby daddy from the girls....Thea didn't have any answers to the questions below, aside from "da da," so we added a little picture to show how Thea feels about her Daddy.

What is something that Daddy always says to you?
He tells me not to spit at or hit Thea.

What makes Daddy happy?
That I follow his rules.

What makes Daddy sad?
When I don't follow his rules.

How does Daddy make you laugh?
He tickles me.

What was Daddy like as a little boy?
I think he liked new books.

How old is Daddy?
29 (smart girl!)

How tall is Daddy?
about as big as Steve.

What is Daddy's favorite thing to do?
Play with me!

What does Daddy do when you are not around?
He works.

What is Daddy really good at?
Playing hide and seek.

What is Daddy not very good at?
tricking me...He can't trick me!

What does Daddy do for his job?
he types.

What makes you proud of your Daddy?
That he can stay here with me all day as much as he can.

What do you and Daddy do together?
We play together a lot.

If Daddy was in a cartoon, who would he be?
Prince Naveen!

How are you and Daddy the same?
How we will stay together forever.

How are you and Daddy different?
I am the smallest and he is the biggest.

How do you know that Daddy loves you?
Because I love him and I am his sweetest 4 year old girl.

What is Daddy's favorite place to go?
The museum

What is Daddy's favorite food?
I think Daddy's favorite food is meat.

What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?
I like to play games with Daddy, like baseball and soccer.

Summer in Iowa

2010-06-18T21:24:00.000-05:00

Summer in Iowa has potential for all kinds of crazy weather, and for beautiful, majestic and powerful skies...I have to share some of the pictures that we took today. Keep in mind, we are brand new to the DSLR game and so far, all of our pictures are straight out of the camera, no editing and I am playing with settings so we aren't the most clear and consistent, but the learning curve is fun!

Wow, what a beautiful night to watch the sky!

Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

2010-06-18T21:10:00.001-05:00

While I wait for Cory to finish playing with the camera so I can upload some new ones for the blog, I will tell you a little bit about my new love. My new love hides under the mask of "healthy" by containing fruit, and not containing oil. The downfall, or the highlight, depending on how you look at it, is the chocolate chips. I was skeptical at first, but trust me...this one is a keeper.

And bonus...there is lots of kid assistance potential, hence my personal banana smasher, and her apprentice:

Chocolate Chip Brown Sugar Banana Bread

1 cup Mashed Bananas (2-3 Whole Bananas)
4 Tablespoons Butter, Softened
¼ cups Apple Butter Or Applesauce
2 whole Eggs
2 Tablespoons Milk
¾ cups Lightly Packed Brown Sugar
1-¾ cup Flour (sneak Some Wheat Flour In, Nobody Will Know)
2 teaspoons Baking Powder
½ teaspoons Baking Soda
¼ teaspoons Salt
¾ cups Chocolate Chips
¼ cups Chopped Walnuts (optional)

Preparation Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Smash the bananas until they’re broken up but not completely smooth. Some lumps are OK.
Add in the butter, apple butter, eggs, milk, and brown sugar. Blend with a hand mixer until everything is incorporated. Again, small lumps are OK.
In a separate bowl, sift the dry ingredients.
Add the dry ingredients to the banana mixture and mix gently with a spoon. When all the flour is mixed in, add your chocolate chips and walnuts.
Spray your loaf pan with cooking spray, and pour in the batter. Bake until golden and a toothpick/piece of dry spaghetti comes out clean, about 60 minutes.
Cool in the pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes, then remove from pan and cool to room temperature.
I used half semi sweet and half milk chocolate chips. Heaven.

Also, since I made muffins (along with a loaf, I told you I love this stuff) the muffins only took about 30 minutes, and more like 45 for the loaf.

To my girls

2010-06-14T21:53:00.000-05:00

A couple of items have been weighing heavy on my mind lately. One of those I will save for another, more inspired day, but the other was dancing through my mind tonight as I walked Zoey in sweet silence just before darkness set in. I was watching the reflection of my imperfect body and humidity stricken frizz head as I went back and forth pulling and being pulled by the dog, who has never gotten the hang of submission. I noticed a can laying in the grass and reached down to pick it up. In one hand I held the leash and in the other, a bag of rather unpleasant smelling dog poo and as many cans and other garbage pieces that I could manage to hold. Zoey and I were both ready to leave the moist summer air and turn in to our cool apartment. I dropped the waste into the dumpster by our summer home and took off for the door of our building where you were both sound asleep.
Why does picking up trash make me think of you, my sweet little girls? One time when I was in college Cory and I were walking back across the Iowa River to our apartments after a football game. I had been drinking and was feeling good after a fun day at Kinnick. As we walked along with the rest of the tired mob across the river I saw a beer can sitting on the railing over the river. I carelessly gave the can a push and it fell down through the railing. I didn't watch it land, but one of two things happened: 1. It landed in the river and was carried away, joining the many other pieces of carelessly discarded trash items in the river, or 2. It landed on a bank, and someone went to the effort to climb down the bank and pluck it out of the soggy riverbed.
A man walking behind me said something to me about my action. I don't remember what he said, and it really doesn't matter. The point is, I did something I should not have done, and he called me out on it. I started to cry (I had been drinking, plus, I am me, so the crying shouldn't be a surprise.) Your dad was mad at the man for making me cry, and I told him to let it go. He didn't do anything wrong, I was the one who had something to be ashamed of. This wasn't the first time in my life that I had felt regretful and ashamed of my actions, and it wasn't the last either.
I don't tell you this story to point out that as much as you currently place me on that pedestal of honor, I am in fact not perfect because I rather enjoy feeling like a celebrity when I walk into the room that you inhabit and am greeted by hugs, kisses and the excited exclamation, "MOMMY!" I tell you this because someday you are going to find yourself having done something that you know isn't right. You may feel embarrassed or regretful about your decision. If you happened to pick up your mom's over sensitive genes, it is ok to cry. The important thing is that years down the road when you have moved on from that mistake, no matter how big, small or far removed it was, you honor the lesson you learned. Turn your regret and embarrassment into something you can be proud of, and I will be proud of you.

2010-06-09T20:34:00.004-05:00

Most of the time I am not a fun mom. Its ok, I can admit it. I yell at my big kid a lot. Not because I like to yell, but because for some reason my normal speaking voice is inaudible to her 4 year old ears. I can talk and talk and talk, but until I yell, she simply can't hear me. I spend a lot of time counting, or threatening to count, (1-2-3 Magic, if you get to 3, you dole out a time out). Leila hears a lot of "be quiet" "stop that" "be nice to your sister" "put that down" "its time to go now!" You get the picture. I don't like it, I wish we could be buddies, and have fun together all of the time, but the fact is, she is a bit out of control, and I owe it to her and the rest of the world to keep things under wraps in the hopes that when she leaves my home without me, I won't get a call to come and get the beast.

I love my kids, I love to please them, and I really love to surprise them. Today we went to visit a friend of mine and her babies for a while after lunch. Leila REALLY didn't want to leave, but I made her. We had the talk that we frequently have these days when she is being forced to leave somewhere that she wants to stay. The talk goes something like this, "Leila, you know that Mommy wants to take you to fun places, but if you want to get to come back you need to be a big girl and leave when I say it is time to go." After a couple of rounds she usually gets it, and today was one of those times. On the way home she said to me, "Mommy, I really didn't want to go home." So as we turned off towards our summer home and approached the elementary school that we drive past nearly everyday, I pulled into the parking lot and said to Leila, "How about we don't go home? Wanna get out and play?" And so we did. I followed my girls around the playground trying to snap pictures and also keep Thea from taking off and out of my reach. Leila wasn't interested in slowing down for a photo op, and I can't blame her, this was stolen playground time. This wasn't a typical planned trip to the park, this was an out of left field, pull into a parking lot and explore a playground she had never seen before kind of afternoon.

The babes

2010-06-09T20:09:00.003-05:00

I really like this picture that Cory took of Thea. She loves this toy and has gotten to the point where she can open and close the doors herself, and then she claps to celebrate. So stinkin cute!

We went to a summer festival in Cedar Rapids last weekend and we had a fun time. Leila got to play on inflatables, which she LOVES and we all got to hang out and enjoy the nice weather before the rain set it.

This is another picture of Thea that shows her little personality. She has started to carry around this purse and stick treasures in it. I just love seeing how much she is picking up from other people. She is doing lots of sign language these days, including "all done," "more," "drink," "milk," and "bath." I can't get enough of my little princesses and they both seem to really like each other and seek each other out to play together during our days together. Life is good!

Progress!

2010-06-09T15:49:00.007-05:00

Last Friday night when we drove by our lot, we saw a sight that I never imagined myself being so excited about....

Port Johnny is in place!

Even with some rain early this week, we have seen a bit more progress to report...we now have a hole! :)

Fun in the sun!

2010-05-31T10:09:00.003-05:00

I am loving the new camera, but I am also incredibly frustrated by it. I want to take great pictures. I have no aspirations of being a professional photographer, but I want to be able to take pictures I want hung on my own wall. So far, using the standard settings on my Nikon produces far supperior results to anything I attempt on manual, and it doesn't seem to me like my adjustments create the kind of results that the internet tells me they will. I am thinking a class of some kind is in order. Now just to find the time!

Woohoo!!!

2010-05-27T16:41:00.004-05:00

My new camera is here!!! I know you have missed these faces...

Lift

2010-05-25T17:42:00.003-05:00

Have you ever read a book that resonated so closely with your own experience that you are simultaneously enthralled by the beautiful way that *your* experience was presented to you in prose while also feeling a nagging sense of failure for not beating them to it? Afterall, this is exactly how you feel!

Lift, By Kelly Corrigan was a Mother's Day present from my dear husband and children. I opened it up on Mother's Day morning and set it aside to go about the busy life that is waiting on children, cleaning up after a family and hustling out the door to make it to Grandma Lori's house in time to prepare a holiday lunch for the family. You know, mom stuff.

The other morning I found myself with a sleeping baby, occupied pre-schooler and no internet access so I reached for the book. Leila noticed me reading it right away and she said, "Mommy! that is the book we gave you about being a mom!" I was immediately glad that I had picked it up when I could see how proud Leila was to see me using the gift that she gave to me, wrapped up in paper that she and her baby sister had lovingly decorated with crayon.

The book is a quick read, and one that made me wish that I could write. It is the kind of book that I think any mother, any parent, any person who views their life in terms of a risk/reward matrix can relate to. Beautifully written, even if you don't enjoy regular reading, if you have a spare couple of hours give it a try!

Zoey

2010-05-18T20:36:00.003-05:00

I remember very clearly the day that Cory and I brought Zoey home with us. We were in the Alero, Cory and I up front and little puppy Zoey in the back seat, running from window to window trying to peak out and get a look at what was going on. She was unsure, and so were we. I think we made two or three stops on the hour long trip, just in case she had to go potty.

Sitting in the car, looking from my husband in the drivers seat to our new puppy in the back I remember thinking, this is it, the beginning of our family, and the last day of just Cory and I.

We brought our puppy home to our new house that we had just moved into the day prior to her arrival.

From the beginning Zoey was mischievous, a definite alpha dog and full of energy but we loved her Shiba spirit.

Now, 6 years later, I look at Zoey and I see my first parental failure. She never got the kind of strict training that a puppy, particularly a Shiba Inu should have. She never got the socialization that would make her a dog that can be around other dogs. She was spayed too early and now has a permanent bladder control issue that requires medication. All of these things make her a challenging pet, but never the less, a member of our family.

Zoey and I have a very complicated relationship.

After Zoey bit my nephew last summer, I have not thought of her in the same way. No longer was she just another member of our family, who just doesn't play well with other dogs, now she was a threat to the children in our lives, and a liability. Yesterday Thea touched Zoey's tail while she was lounging on the floor and Zoey repaid her by biting her face. She bled a little bit, and the two little spots where her teeth broke the skin are now scabbed over and accompanied by a scrape.

I can't even explain how I feel about this situation, and the turmoil it is causing in my family. It is very upsetting. The most upsetting part is that Cory and I don't agree about what to do, and neither of us trusts the others motivation for the stance that we have taken.

No matter how you look at it, I have failed my dog, my first baby. And I have failed my child.

Just another item to add to the list of things that are troubling my heart these days.

Bowling

2010-05-10T20:07:00.003-05:00

This weekend we fulfilled our birthday promise to Leila and we took her bowling, along with lots of our friends. In our bowling group was 8 adults 7 children and 2 fetuses, and we all had a blast. I wish I had pictures to prove it! We played two games, and each of the children had their very own distinct bowling style. There is Bryce who runs up to the lane and throws his ball with all of his strength. Bryce is a competitive and clever little guy, who mentioned to me when I had a couple of consecutive gutter balls that maybe I should bowl in the lane with bumpers next time.

Then you have Lilly, who is more of a leisurely bowler...she strolls up to the end of the lane, sits down and gives her ball a gentle backhand, sending it so slowly down the lane that when it makes contact with the pins, you don't know who is going to be left standing...the pin or the ball.

In typical Leila fashion, she choose a ball that was way too heavy for her, but it was purple, her favorite color. Every turn she would drag that heavy purple ball up to the line and give it a good shove, taking the ball's travel time as a perfect break to have a dance with her buddy Lilly while she was still the center of attention standing out on the wooden floor of the bowling alley.

Sawyer and Eli split a game and neither of them was so engaged in the activity to notice that their attempt to throw the ball down the lane was nearly always met with a follow up push from their grown up assistant, they were happy to see the ball go over the end of the lane and into the bowling alley black hole whether or not the pins had fallen! YeongHo and Thea did all of their bowling from their Daddy's arms, but you could tell they had fun. YeongHo's little face would light up in excitement as he rested his hand on the shiny red ball before Bryan heaved it down the lane.

If you can't tell from my descriptions, we had a wonderful time. It was magical watching the kids play together, encouraging and celebrating for each other after each throw. Very little attention was paid to how many many pins fell, but a glimpse into the carefree fun of children was the focus of the evening. My friends have great kids, and so do I. I love them all dearly!

Something else that is awesome

2010-05-10T16:06:00.003-05:00

When you are having a bad day, and you reread a blog post about a special event that reminds you of how happy some other days have been. I am sure glad that I have this place to paste my thoughts about my good days.

Awesome

2010-05-04T19:51:00.005-05:00

I stumbled upon this blog today and I couldn't help but smile as I skimmed through the entries, so I wanted to post it here. Though it is kind of annoying that every other post is an advertisement for the book, a lot of these "Awesome things" were really awesome things that I never given much thought to. Check this out if you need a little pick me up: http://1000awesomethings.com/

In the spirit of awesome things I will add a couple of my own...

#1 Sweet Soft Baby Skin! It doesn't matter to me if my baby is freshly bathed or post dinner sporting the distinct smell of baked beans, there is nothing that compares to the feel of a baby's sweet mushy skin up against mine. When I was pregnant with Leila I remember thinking about baby skin and feeling giddy at the very idea that I would soon have my own baby skin to snuggle!

I am clenching my jaw right now just thinking about the adorably mush and smooth baby body I have sleeping in the next room. I kinda wanna go pick her up and mush her cheeks. Oh sweet baby skin.

#2 The evening after a long anticipated day. I am talking a family wedding, a big birthday party, or a Holiday celebration. The awesomeness of being done with the work, the party preparations and the socializing. I do like to entertain, but I am an introvert through and through so every big event leaves me exhausted.

Bonus to the evening after a long day would be a husband provided foot rub. Double awesomeness.

#3 Getting the piece of food that was once stuck between your teeth free!

Bedtime

2010-04-28T20:31:00.003-05:00

Tonight I was rocking baby Thea in a failed attempt to get her to sleep. Over the course of her lifetime, the bedtime routine has been fairly consistent. I will nurse her, and sometimes that is enough to send her to dreamland but if not, Daddy would step in and take Thea down to his man room to rock her to sleep while he plays NCAA football on his Xbox. Now that we have the apartment and no second living room, I have had the duty of rocking baby girl to bed on occasion, while Cory keeps Leila occupied (and quiet) in her room.

If you have ever done any reading about getting babies to sleep then you know that one of the rules of thumb is to avoid eye contact with your baby when you want them to sleep. Maybe that is why I am a fairly consistent failure at rocking to sleep...I can not resist those sweet little eyes and every time I look down at her, she reaches up, touches my face and giggles in delight. Rocking baby duty, even if not successful is definitely a rewarding job.

The summer home

2010-04-28T20:20:00.003-05:00

We are all moved in to the apartment, and life is good. The apartment has three bedrooms that are all pretty large, along with a big deck, 2 car garage and a closet that puts the closet in our old house to shame. I am in awe of the fact that there is room for all of our clothes to be clean at the same time! Oh the simple pleasures...

The biggest drawback is that we are on the second floor, so taking Zoey out, bringing groceries in and carting kids both ways is a bit of a struggle. The benefit is that Zoey can lounge on the deck and sun herself, something she always has enjoyed about our fenced yard. She is probably having the toughest adjustment but is still doing well with everything.

As nice as it is here, we are looking forward to September and our new house. I am ready to feel settled! We met with our builder this week and were able to see a 3D rendering of our new kitchen, and I am even more excited about everything now. The next step in our process is to get an appraisal done of the plan to ensure that our lender will approve the mortgage for what we are contracted to pay. We don't expect this to be an issue, but as soon as that is done, the contract will be signed and we can get started on construction! Once I have my camera and work gets underway, you can expect lots of progress pictures! I can tell you now that the house is 2 story, with 3 bedrooms, a large bonus room and the laundry all upstairs. Downstairs will be the huge kitchen, dining room, living room and a half bath. The back will have a big deck and our lot borders on a corn field. I know that I will have green siding, and probably a tan stone front on the front of the garage. Very exciting stuff! :)

Birthday

2010-04-28T20:13:00.004-05:00

Leila had a birthday, and she got a new set of wheels from Mommy and Daddy! I think she likes the bike, what do you think?

This year we tried something new and had a joint party for the birthday buddies Leila and Sawyer. I was thankful to have the party at Andrea's, since we had moved into the apartment only a week before and we closed on the house the day before the party. It went really well, the kids had a great time and I can't even describe to you how I felt seeing Leila arrive at Andrea's for the party, in her special new outfit that she picked out. She was so excited and happy, my cup run-nth over!

All week she asked who would be at her party and she told us that she was going to invite all of her aunts and uncles, the girl loves her family.

We are planning to take her bowling as a birthday bonus with a few of her friends, but things have been pretty hectic lately so we will see when that happens.

Back in Business...kind of

2010-04-23T20:08:00.000-05:00

Today was the closing on our old house and it is officially sold! We are settling into our summer home on the other side of North Liberty and we gave in and set up internet and cable TV, so in that respect...I'M BACK! The bad news is, that in our move, we seem to have misplaced the camera.

Leila celebrated a birthday yesterday, her fourth, and we gave her a new bike with princess's on it and pink tassels on the handlebars...she is a happy girl!

Tomorrow is her party, as well as Cory and I's 6th wedding anniversary.

Hiatus

2010-04-12T14:39:00.002-05:00

This isn't exactly a planned absence, but we shut off our internet at home a few weeks ago, and we are moving this week, so I promise I will be back as soon as we get a bit more settled into our "summer home."

Thea at one year

2010-03-26T15:26:00.000-05:00

Thea had her 1 year appointment this week. I had already made plans to visit my friend and her twin babies in the NICU so Cory had the task of taking Thea to the Doctor. She weighed in at 26 lbs, 9 ounces, and she is 30 and 3/4 inches tall. She is a big girl.

She isn't walking yet, but she stands unassisted and will give you the, "look at me, aren't I hot stuff?" face while she does it. She has taken one step and fallen quite a few times, but she is in way too much of a hurry to try to slow down and balance herself walking, she would much prefer to turbo crawl. This is really fine with me, she is already growing up too fast.

She is a great baby girl, she loves to eat bananas. Her boppy pillow is a big hit, she is so cute lounging in it like it is a recliner. Blankets are a big hit with Thea too. She has a favorite pink blanket that Grandpa Warren got for her, but she will smoosh her face in and roll around on the floor with just about any blanket she can find. She loves toys that play music she can dance too and she has a couple of words. She says Mama, Dada, LaLa (Leila), Dog, all done and yeah. I haven't heard her say no yet, but I am sure that one will come soon.

Leila and Thea still get along pretty well, but for some reason they both always want the same toy. That gets really frustrating for all of us!

Cory and I are trying to get moving on the packing business...next week we close on our lot and then two weeks after that we get our apartment so we can move out of here and get it cleaned up before our house closing. I am anxious to get to a slightly more settled point in this transition so I am looking forward to May! Not only will we be settled into our new temporary home, but we will be welcoming a new baby girl into the Howard family when Andrea and Steve's daughter arrives. We can't wait!

The underdogs

2010-03-23T19:38:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I will flip on a football or basketball game, even though the Hawkeyes aren't competing, just to watch a game (especially in tourney/bowl season!). I will watch the game, and as time ticks away on the game clock, I inevitably pick a team to root for. My heart generally does the picking, and I am sucker for the underdog. I love to see hard work pay off over prestige, it's in my nature.

I try to look at politics from this light as well. I don't want to be a narrow minded party line voter, and I am disgusted by divisive and misleading techniques used by both political parties. I used to enjoy politics. Not anymore. So I guess it is more like being forced to watch a hockey game than choosing to watch football or basketball, but anyway, you get the point.

The hotly contested health care bill was signed by President Obama today, and I have been doing a lot of reading. Reading to help me understand what the bill means, and mostly to calm some of my fears. The uncertainty and inevitable change that it will bring to all Americans is definitely unsettling, but I couldn't help but root for the underdog, and I was happy to see it pass, and the more I read about the bill, the less I worry about the future, and the the happier I am for those who are immediately and positively effected. Like the 5 year old cancer survivor who has now beat cancer twice, and no longer will have to worry about not qualifying for health insurance because at 5, she has already nearly exhausted her lifetime limit imposed by the insurance company, not to mention that ugly diagnosis that works against her as a pre-existing condition.

Everything comes at a cost, and some things are just worth it, in my mind. I am praying for America now, because I know there are a lot of scared and unhappy people here now, but I am hopeful that good things are to come, and I have to believe that we are doing God's work by taking care of each other. It isn't perfect, but it is a start.